Let's start with the obvious miracle of our son. After 29 hours of labor (that story is for another day/post), our little man, Walters James Kizziah, made his grand entrance into this world...and it was love at first sight!! All the cliche mommyisims about "not understanding blah blah until you become a parent" are actually true...as difficult of a pill that is for me to swallow. I never could have prepared for the overwhelming life change that would occur that day and every day since, (though goodness knows I tried) but I am convinced to my core that we serve a miraculous God that uses each middle of the night feeding, each yellow rain shower flowing from the oh-so-unfamiliar boy regions, each projectile vomit, and each sweet smile to draw us closer to himself and teach us humility and selflessness in an unparalleled way.
Walters, in his few short months in this world, has brought me more joy and more gratitude than I ever thought possible to experience this side of Heaven! We love you "doodle bug" and I am so honored to be your mommy!!
It's amazing how all my hopes and dreams have shifted from myself to my little guy. There aren't words to describe the love I feel for that sweet little boy sleeping soundly (for now) across the house. And I stand in awe of our great big God who loves each of us infinitely more than I could ever love Walters.
I also must mention that my amazing hubby is now a proud employee of CSX railroad. He started his new position in January and it has been a whirlwind. He is working in a position that requires him to be gone Monday-Thursday EVERY week :( We are adjusting daily to what has proven to be a gut wrenching transition for our new family. As difficult as it has been and is for us, I am thrilled that Adam is loving what he is doing and is, for the first time in quite a while, energetic and optimistic about the future and his career. I would welcome advice from anyone whose husband travels a lot on how to keep it all together as a semi-single parent during the week. I am so far from the "have it all together" exterior I often show (hence the lack of blogging for half the year), so we would appreciate any prayers as we navigate this new season of our lives.
On a happier note, we decided I would be staying home with Walters!! Well mostly...I am teaching for our county's virtual school which allows me to contribute a little bit to our income while still being able to be home with our baby. This has been a dream of mine for a very long time. One I didn't believe would ever be a possibility for me. But God has given me the desire of my heart even though it came in unexpected ways with Adam's new career path.
I would be lying if I told you I was 100% thrilled with the stay at home mom lifestyle all the time...it has been a big transition for me and my VERY type-A personality. I live in a constant state of second guessing the every day parenting decisions from sleeping to eating to shots and wardrobe (remember this whole boy thing is quite new for me) which leaves me part exhausted an part insecure. Which, combined with sleep deprivation, doesn't always result in the best version of Taylor. Needless to say this is a huge departure from the feeling of commanding a classroom full of students and feeling 100% confident in my abilities I have been quite the awful friend and wife some days as a result, and there has been more than 1 occasion where I was totally convinced I was going to screw him up in some way :(
I can say without a doubt though that I can't imagine my life any other way. I can't imagine missing his first smile or his morning snuggles. His new skill of laughing or his ridiculous tummy troubles. The first time he rolled over and even the dreaded teething have added infinite joy to my life. I never even knew how selfish I was before spending my days 100% consumed with a 16 pound miniature human. And even though there are days I long for adult interaction that involves normal pitched conversations, or to be able to get in the car and go without adding an extra 30-45 minutes to the getting ready process, I feel so blessed to watch and nurture my son as he grows into the man God has created him to be. Ask me on a good day...I love being home with Walt!!
Oh and finally we have put our house on the market in hopes of moving Adam closer to an airport because of his travel schedule. We are not exactly sure where that will lead us, but we would be quite appreciative of any prayers in this tough housing market!
So you have now officially "kept up with the Kizziahs" in a whirlwind blog post which I am confidant was a tangled stream of consciousness and may or may not have been coherent in any way. I promise to finally post pictures of Walt's finished nursery, update you all on his stats more often, and just be a little (i cant promise a miracle) more regular in the blogging department.
Love,
Taylor
